Saturday, February 18, 2012

Internal Conflict

If you are expecting something sarcastic, funny, or about my precious babies, you might want to skip this post. It is on a slightly more serious note.

I hope I don't get in trouble for writing this. For years, I have wanted to live in a warmer climate. I was diagnosed with Fibromayalgia three years ago, and I just feel better when it is warm. It would be nice to feel better more often so when people ask me how I feel, I don't have to fake a smile and say that I am feeling fine, when really all I want to do is find some strong meds and lay down.

Ed seems slightly open to the idea of living somewhere warm. I have to admit that the thought of being able to raise my babies alongside my sister is very appealing. I miss her so much.

So, where does the internal conflict come into play? I love this Valley. I love the people here. I love the school my kids go to. I love the teachers and staff at that school. I love the small town feel. I love watching the seasons change. I love taking my kids to Bear Lake in the summer. We have an amazing yard! I love it....BUT, I love my mom and dad. I love my sister and her family. I love my brothers and their familys. I miss my nieces and nephews so much. I cried half of the way home when I had to leave my sister's house after Ryder was born. I feel like I am missing my nieces and nephews (on my side) grow up. I love that in Ca everything you need is so close. There are so many things to do there.

If any of you think about it, I would love your prayers. I need to find a greater sense of peace. Whether we are to stay or go.


StacieB said...

Tennille I have so been right where you are at!!! It's so hard to be away from your family. But is also important to think about the roots that your kids have and what you want for them. For me, and I am very different than you, (obviously!!! lol) living in Nebraska and raising my kids here is just what I really wanted and never knew it. You will find peace after visiting this issue very seriously. I found that when I interviewed for jobs outside of Nebraska that I had the realization that it wasn't what I really wanted. I knew as soon as I was speaking that it wasn't right. It was so weird. You will know what is right.

Aimee said...

Well, my goodness...I had no idea about this "internal conflict". I didn't know your family was in California. Of course, we'd love you to stay...but my prayers will be with you to make this hard decision. Bless you heart!

Nichole Vollmer said...

What? You are tired of watching your nieces and nephews on the Philips side grow up? Oh wait, most of us already are grown-up and are scattering. There is nothing wrong with wanting to feel better. In fact, I want you to feel better. I did not know you were not feeling good to begin with. And if you do move then I say it is better to do while your kids are younger. I hope you and your family are able to reach a decision that is best for all of you!

Mak said...

Prayers your way. But my .02 says go! It is amazing to be close to your parents and let your kids soak some of that love up. If Ed is willing, it's your turn :)